Ed.note: This “interview” was written as satire and is not meant to be taken literally.
I always wanted to ask Steven Jobs a key question. But since
he's so difficult to pin down, it had to wait until after
his speech at the
annual World Wide Developers Conference, just a few weeks
before the highly anticipated launch of the
revolutionary iPhone. Here's how it went.
Heller: Mr. Jobs, it's not easy to get you to sit for an
interview, so I'll make this short. Why do you always wear blue
jeans and a black turtleneck?
Jobs: That's what you got me here for? Why
don't we talk about my head-to-toe attack on Bill Gates with our
Safari web browser available for Windows-based PCs or my
Heller: Sure, all that's very interesting, but we don't
have much time. So, just answer this: Why always with the blue
jeans and a black turtleneck? I know you can afford better
Dress Steve Jobs with his magical closet at
Jobs: You gotta be kidding! I'm sitting down
with you because beginning today you can download this new software
from Apple's web site, and it'll have twice the performance of
Microsoft's browser. I'm going to introduce this at today's World
Wide Developers Conference, and frankly, you've got the scoop.
Heller: Yeah, that's a scoop, but so is this, if you'll
just answer the question: I've always wanted to know whether you're
saying “fuck you” to your audience or do your clothes have other
Jobs: Look, I have no intention of talking
fashion with you. I am encouraging Apple software developers to use
modern internet software standards to make applications compatible
with Apple's iPhone, which will go on sale June 29. I'm sure the
announcement is likely to touch off a frenzy of activity and...
Heller: ...And I can read all about it in the
New York Times, but more to the point is, how often do
you change your clothes. I mean, do you have an endless supply of
baggy blue jeans and black turtlenecks, or do you rotate so they
don't get too raunchy?
Jobs: Are you some kind of moron?! I'm giving
you the lowdown on how Apple will be able to increase its market
share against the dominant software firm, because there are half a
billion downloads of Apple's iTunes software, mostly by Windows
users, and you persist in this idiotic line of questioning?
Heller: You certainly are a tough interview, Steven—if
may I call you Steven. So, tell me, do you get the jeans pre-washed
or do you work them in over time during the course of
Jobs: Jeez. Rotate on this!!!
Jobs waves an iPod Shuffle with his forefinger. The
interview ends abruptly.
With its focus on user-created and user-approved designs, T-shirt business and online community Threadless is the little design company that could.
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Known for his cultural commentary, Douglas Coupland trained as a sculptor and designer. Heller inquires about the novelist's latest frontier: fashion.
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